All couples argue! That’s the basic truth, and some go through significantly rough patches. It’s normal and most partners get to work through it. But sometimes, it’s not just an argument you can ignore.
Your partner should make you feel safe and happy, and most importantly, respect you and give you the freedom to be yourself. If you instead find yourself afraid or feeling miserable constantly, you might be in a toxic relationship, and it’s important you untangle yourself from it as soon as possible.
Here are 9 warning signs you are in a toxic relationship and when to call it a day.
1). You feel miserable all the time
Everyone can feel blue now and again, but if you feel unhappy every single day, then something is wrong. Love should make you feel good about yourself and the life you are leading. If your partner makes you feel sad or scared, they might be harming you rather than being a positive presence in your life.
2). You always have to justify yourself
It’s not healthy having to justify yourself constantly. Questions like “Why do you hang out with this or that person?” or “Why are you wearing that dress to work?” are simply not acceptable. You shouldn’t have to explain your every decision to your partner or depend on their opinion to be able to go out or dress a certain way.
If they are overly possessive, this is a bad sign.
3). You don’t feel your needs are validated
Have you stopped voicing your needs and wants because your partner simply doesn’t seem to care about them? That’s certainly a sign you’re stuck in a toxic relationship.
Compromising is fine, but you can’t always give up on what you need just for your partner to get what they want. If you constantly get accused of being needy, selfish or insecure when asking for something, then this is certainly a red flag.
Sure, a relationship can be hard work from time to time, but it shouldn’t be you doing all the work every single time. There is a give and take you should be involved in.
4). Double standards
Sometimes, you are not allowed to do something when they can do it freely, like going out with your friends. They get to have their guys or gals night out, but you can’t see a certain person or go out dressed in a certain way to a certain place. This is simply not alright. You both have the same rights, and if they can do or act in a certain way, you get to do the exact same thing without anyone guilt-tripping you. In fact, a general rule of thumb is not letting them tell you what you can or cannot do: They are not babysitting you!
5). Constant drama
If you keep arguing every single day and it seems all you endure is constant drama from your partner, then this is definitely a red flag! Don’t let your relationship make you feel guilty and miserable all day, every day. No one can be constantly on edge, wondering when the next big argument will begin.
When even small remarks or actions put your partner on edge and start a war between the two of you that lasts for hours or days, this might not be the right relationship for you.
If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it’s a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn’t walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him/her. Walking away may hurt for a while, but your heart will heal. Then you will choose what you really want. You will find that you don’t need to trust others as much as you need to trust yourself to make the right choices.
Keep reading: 9 signs you are in a toxic relationship and when to call it a day.
6). They always seem to keep a scorecard
It’s not a good idea to go down memory lane with each new argument. How many times can your partner remind you of a mistake you made in order to win a discussion?
Bringing the past over and over again, especially to hurt or manipulate you, is not a sign of a healthy relationship. Guilt-tripping you is not the right way of convincing you to do something or agree with them. This is actually a rather vicious manipulative technique and you should put a stop to it before it gets any worse.
7). They are constantly passive-aggressive
This is another toxic way of manipulating you into agreeing with whatever they want you to do or say. Everyone can be a bit passive-aggressive when annoyed or angry, but if this becomes a pattern, it’s certainly a sign that you might be involved in a toxic relationship.
If they are mad at you, it’s important that they are able to properly communicate their feelings instead of attempting to bicker while pretending everything is fine. Proper communication is key to any healthy relationship.
8). You don’t seem to have any privacy
If your partner demands to see your browsing history or check your phone constantly, then something is wrong in your relationship. You are entitled to some degree of privacy, and they have no right to exert total control over who you speak to or what you do with your free time. They are not your parents and you are an adult who can make your own decisions without anyone supervising them.
This kind of behavior is simply not acceptable in a healthy relationship.
9). Domestic violence, Abuse or Coercion
This is the most extreme and noticeable sign you can find. If this is the case, please do search the help of your loved ones and get out of the toxic relationship you find yourself in.
No one should abuse you, either emotionally, physically or psychologically. It’s an absolute deal-breaker and you shouldn’t put up with it, no matter your history together or how much you might believe they love you. Abusers keep abusing, even after they apologize. It won’t get better with time.
Finally, remember abuse is never acceptable.
If you need help with abuse prevention or getting away from a toxic/abusive relationship, feel free to reach out to a professional such as Helen Victoria via her website at Living Liberté.
If you suspect your partner might be cheating on you, read this article for 6 mind-blowing signs they may be cheating on you, including the very latest tip.
